Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
