she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
