I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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