Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
