There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
