Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
