A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
