So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
