That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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