Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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