mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
