Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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