Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
