Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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