That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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