It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
