I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
third nipple confirmed
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize