tell your sister to shave her snatch
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
