This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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