Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
