Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
