his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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