I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
