You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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