Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
