Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
