I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
