what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
