Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
