Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
