Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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