when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize