if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize