We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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