I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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