At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
