Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
