i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
