five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
