i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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