So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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