FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
