I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
