It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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