Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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