thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
