I just threw up on my dentist
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
