I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is wine microwaveable?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
