i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
