I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
