Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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