I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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