I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize