Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
