im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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