party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize