I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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