We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
