i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize