Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
