operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
