I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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